Posted by: toddzilla | June 17, 2008

More Feminist Propaganda (Male Workers Unite!)

CNN has an article online where an “expert” shows that women are more likely to be intimate with men who do housework.  Well who’da thunk it?  This is a clear indication to those with the insight to notice (me) that the feminist agenda is slowly infesting our media.  I am more likely to be intimate with a partner who is willing to dress like Wonder Woman and recite lines from “Blazing Saddles”, but it ain’t gonna happen (if you’ll actually consider it though…call me).   With that in mind, do I write an article about it and push it onto CNN’s homepage with an inherent theme of “men, you read this….you should do it!”?  No.  Of course not.  So, let me do a bit of analysis on the article with a little point-counterpoint FireJoeMorgan-style.  Indulge me please…after the jump…

The article starts off with some insight from a  selfish 36 year old Delaware teacher:

“I am very turned on when he’s doing housework,”

Of course you are!  I am turned on when my wife is doing housework…Duh!  I’m turned on because that means I won’t have to do it.

“If there’s a sink full of dirty dishes, he knows I’m going to take care of that before I want to get intimate. If he wasn’t helping with the housework, I would not find that very attractive.”

Aside from the fact that her staunch refusal to contract the words “would” and “not” into a much less robotic sounding “wouldn’t”, doesn’t this just reek of selfishness.  I mean, she has a man and he has needs, but she brazenly puts her OCD-ish wants above his genetically-coded needs.  besides, you have a sink full of dirty dishes…why not get a lil “dirty” anyway…then you could have, like dirty-squared?  Women aren’t that good at logical thinking to be able to do nasty-math like that (forget fuzzy math…make mine nasty-math!).

Now for the fancy researcher talk…

Simmons’ attitude is pretty typical of married women, researchers say. They like it when their spouses share the household chores, but also find that — paradoxically — a husband may also create more work for them, or not contribute as much as women would like.

Husband’s create more work for them???  Okay, but aren’t we forgetting to note that wives create more work for us too?  Now that I’m married, I have to like tuck my shirttail in and stuff.  It seems to me that these “researchers” are forgetting a little thing called “leaving the toilet seat down”.  Yeah, think that over.

First, the good news: Men are doing more than they used to, according to findings released in April by the University of Michigan’s Institute for Social Research. For example, in 1976, men did about six hours of housework per week; in 2005, that had increased to about 13 hours. Women, meanwhile, decreased their weekly housework from 26 hours in 1976 to 17 hours in 2005. Researchers based their conclusions on economic, health and social data collected on 8,000 American families since 1968.

So, let me get this straight…women are doing less and they still insist on us shouldering more of the load so that they can find us attractive?  I’ve doubled my housework load and yours is halved….and I STILL need to do more?  Sounds a bit like I’m underappreciated here, and I don’t find that attractive (see how I used “don’t” instead of “do not”?  Makes me seem more human-like don’t it?).

“When a man does housework, it feels to the woman like an expression of caring and concern, which then physically reduces her stress,”

So, when I put Teddy Pendergrass on the iPod and lean in, holding you in my strong arms as I gently whisper how banging your booty looks…that means nothing to you?  That doesn’t show my care and concern for you and the healthy appearance of said booty?  You mean to tell me that Teddy’s soothing voice and my strong embrace doesn’t reduce your stress?  Man, these chicks must be robots!  You remember that scene in “Ghost” where the dude rubs his grimey hands all over her while she’s making pottery?  You gals LOVE that scene because he just takes over and senses be damned!  Forget the flying mud, I’m giving this pottery-hater some good loving…it seems to get you all hot and bothered, yet now you’re telling me to soak the pots before we get down???  I’m a little confused here.

Now, the bad news: The same research found that men create, on average, seven more hours of housework a week for women. That extra work may not be as obvious as doing the dishes or mowing the lawn. So-called “emotional labor” — tasks like writing holiday cards, scheduling doctor appointments and planning family gatherings — is too often left to wives, says University of Michigan sociologist Pamela Smock.

Smock that!  Emotional labor???  You’re the  one that wanted to get married.  You’re the one that wanted that baby.  To everyone reading this that personally knows me…do your holidays hinge upon receiving a card that is ostensibly signed by me?  Would you refuse to talk to me if you didn’t receive said card?  Is that worth sexual anguish for me?  Do you really wanna hurt me?  Do you really wanna make my wife cry?

“As long as the invisible labor is borne by women, things aren’t going to be equal, even if surveys show they are,”

So the actual numbers (math) show that both sexes are pretty even when it comes to doing housework, so we need to create some other category to maintain our argument…Invisible labor!  that’s it!—-Invisible labor???  What the Smock!  “Not tonight honey, I’ve been doing invisible labor all day and my invisible muscles are so invisibly sore…you would not believe it…even if you could see it”.  Yeah…you see the reason, I’m not doing the dishes, is because I’m currently engaged in copious amounts of invisible labor…wish you could see it!

And, it must be noted, men still do only 30 percent of the housework

But 100% of the hot, sweaty Smocking!  High five motherSmockers!

Paul Pillitteri is one of those husbands who gets it

Gets what?  Picked on by the lazy Smockers he plays poker with?

“I work out of our house so it’s easier to be present and I’m somewhat more flexible,”

Ohhhh!  I get it, he works at home, therefore the rest of us putzes should be held to his standard of p-whippedness.  “Whippification” if you will.  Wait, there’s more:

says Pillitteri, 52, an information architect, whose spouse works part-time as a school district supervisor.

She works part-time and STILL wants him to do more housework?  Sounds like he married a lazy Smocker.  What the Smock is an “information architect” anyway?  Does he design invisible information buildings?  I wonder what his rates for invisible labor are?

Men like Pillitteri may be the exception to the rule, says Barbara Dafoe Whitehead, Ph.D.,

Because the rest of us commute to work and perform visible labor.

“What’s interesting to me is that as men’s housework goes up, women’s marital satisfaction also goes up but men’s marital satisfaction goes down,” says Whitehead,

That invisible doctorate is paying off.  So let me get this straight (as I do nasty-math in my head), the more work we do…the more satisfied you women (maybe even to the point of letting us get lucky), and the less satisfied, we are.  I think I’ve found a pretty good balance with things just the way they are…I couldn’t take on any more invisible work…even for the big payday of getting some.

Pillitteri’s relationship is one that Jennifer Armiger, 33, would like to work out with her own partner — but hasn’t been able to

I wonder why….

because of his 15-hour workdays as an owner-operator of a trucking business.

Oh!  He’s one of those poor souls that has been ensnared by the world of “visible” work!  I’m sure she must balance out her copious amounts of visible work as well….right?….

The Woodbury, New Jersey, resident is a doctoral candidate in history and primary caregiver to their 4-year-old son, Troy

Oh I see plenty of visible work there…(and what the Smock is the need to put “primary caregiver” as a caveat?…Lemme see her husband is referred to as “partner” and she gets four adjectives to her “title”).

Armiger recently got so annoyed about making dinner and being left with the cleanup, in fact, that she switched to using paper plates.

Now the planet is paying for her selfishness!

“He’ll walk right past a sink full of dishes,” says Armiger, who has served as vice president of leadership for her state chapter of the National Organization for Women for the past two years.

Wait, are those…more adjectives?  Let’s see, president of leadership (redundant much?) National Organization for Women!!!!  What’s that a feminine invisible labor union?  Of course not!  That’s the central committee for the feminist agenda.  The Pinks to the communists’ Reds, if you will.  So, we are using the upper higher (I’m keeping with their theme of redundancy motif) echelon leadership of the Kremlin of feminism to…get this…push a feminist viewpoint as well-researched fact!?!  Smockin’-A!  If I interviewed and used Jeffrey Dahmer’s situation as an example, I’m sure he would probably come to the conclusion that cannibalism is…um…okay.

Here are the recommendations from the schultzstaffel unbiased propaganda communication wing group of the national U.S. Organization Group of Female Women:

 Don’t be a gatekeeper: Partners who aren’t micromanaged tend to contribute more.

I’m down with that…in other words leave me the Smock alone, so I can watch the game.

Don’t send mixed messages: A woman may telegraph ambivalence by asking her partner to help, but then tell him he’s doing the task all wrong. Or she may not ask him to help at all, then become angry that she has to do everything herself.

She may also telegraph ambivalence when she vows to love and cherish, yet withhold good loving until I complete her “visible” work.  Forgive me…that was a bit harsh…We men are a simple lot, though we may excel at nasty-math, we lack sorely in picking up the signs that you are giving us when you’re doing all your invisible work.  Give us a clue.

Be assertive: Insist on an equitable division of labor if he won’t take initiative. Say something like, “You agreed if I cooked, that you’d clean. You haven’t done that yet, so can you do it now or tell me when you will?” Or, “I feel I have too much on my shoulders. What can you agree to do?”

Nag much?  Sure, I’ll agree to an equitable division of labor…I work 15-hour days while you read history books, then when I get home to enjoy a part of the remaining 9 hours of the day 12 of which my “primary child” will be sleeping, you do some “visible” work, so I can undertake my day’s share of “invisible” work.  Now fix me a sandwich.

Communicate productively: “You’re never going to get your husband to do more if you walk around broadcasting blame and shame,” Coleman says. Approach your partner with affection, keep the conversation brief and to the point, and use language that doesn’t veer toward criticism.

You would accomplish more, however, if you walked around in a Wonder Woman outfit!  Anybody wanna get dirty-cubed?



  1. If women find guys who do housework attractive, I would like to let all single women in the Lexington/Nicholasville/Kentucky Mayberry area that I will be doing dishes, laundry, sweeping, brush work, and yard work tomorrow.

    Come and be impressed!

    And Todd, if I had something to drink when I was reading your latest, I would’ve made another mess to clean up.

  2. […] Femi-nazi agenda still at work, this guy analyzes the recent CNN article from a N.O.W. […]

  3. Todd, wow it is a good thing you are married. As your pastor I want to make sure it stays that way!

    The counter-cultural answer to all of this (that is a fancy way of saying the Jesus answer) is that the focus of all of our marriages needs to be on serving the other, not getting ours. Men should do the dishes and clean up, and not be idiots, simply out of love and service to our wives, not because there is anything in it for us.

    If we clean to get laid, we will find that even when we clean sometimes we still won’t get laid. That will then make us angry and convince us that cleaning isn’t worth it. But, if the act of service is the result we are looking for, we will realize that the act itself is a beautiful act of marriage. Hopefully it will be reciprocated. (That is a fancy way of saying we might have sex)

  4. Well I’m glad I put the ol’ “trying to be funny” tag on this one. This was a poor attempt at satire and now that I look back at it…this post does seem a bit “angry” sounding. The wifey does try to get me to do more, and she is exceedingly gracious in accepting the disappointing results!

    You make a great point Greg…doing chores to get some is very Pavlovian and I would hope that marriage would go well beyond that to where our motivations are truly out of love and not the ol’ conditioned response of “push the button, get a treat”.

  5. I certainly know you were being humorous with the overall tone, but our humor often reveals quite a bit of ourselves. If you read my blog my humor reveals I do in fact think I am a sexy beast. If you read your blog you get great lines like “push the button, get a treat”. Now my wife is coming home tomorrow and I am going to go search for that button.

  6. ^ Sookie Sookie now!

  7. Todd,

    We had costume last night at Bible Study. Cheryl wore a CUTE get-up – short black wig, red-white blue-with-gold-trim piece of cloth, BOOTS. we didn’t get it at first, then she said:

    “I want rustlers, cutthroats, murders, bounty hunters, desperados, mugs, pugs, thugs, nitwits, halfwits, dimwits, vipers, snipers, con-men, Indian agents, Mexican bandits, muggers, buggerers, bushwhackers, hornswogglars, horse thieves, bull-dykes, train robbers, bank robbers, ass-kickers, sh**-kickers, and Methodists!”

    and then we knew… she was dressed as Todd’s Dream Woman!

    I think your next blog should be about proper anatomical terminology.

  8. That’s why I love her and that movie!

    “Go and do the voodoo that you do…soooo welllllll!”

    And to be honest..Cheryl is my dream woman…the outfit would be a bonus…

    I have to bite though….what brought about the anatomical terminolgy thing?

  9. Nothing, why do you ask?

  10. Interesting post-positive that men are the new women. Will gender laws change accordingly I may ask?

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