Posted by: toddzilla | April 15, 2008

More household drama…

Who is responsible for updating this blog!?!?!  Geez!  Sorry about the lack of posts lately, but I’ve been watching Squidbillies steadily busy with my immense household duties now that I have two wonderful ladies that depend on me (one of those dependencies is even noted on my tax return!  If it’s in an IRS form, then it’s gospel daggumit!).  Back to the drama…You see, my lovely wife, in a fit of gambling rage loving gamesmanship, challenged moi to a wildly vicious and tortuously fiendish friendly wager on who would win the march tournament of college basketball athletics (no not the women’s layup-a-thon tournament).  No drama there, just good ol’ fashioned team-picking with a friendly wager.  The issue arose when it came time to pay up.

After batting around the stakes we decided on these:  If I lost, then I would have to prepare Cheryl a dinner not consisting of mac and cheese or tacos and if Cheryl lost, then she would grant me two taco/chicken fajita dinner coupons to be redeemed at any time with a reasonable time period granted between submission and fruition due to a possible need for groceries.  The taco coupons are nice, but nowhere near my initial wager that involved a Wonder Woman costume, a ceiling fan, mayonnaise, and a rake, but we can’t have everything now can we (unless you’re my wife, then you do, indeed, have everything…especially an humble spouse).

I, of course won the friendly competition and you would not believe the extent to which my wife is willing to go to avoid paying up!!! (extra exclamation points added for emphasis)!!!!!!!!  Soon after the wager was determined, our precious little Layla had a doctor’s appointment and the itchy red rash that the poor thing has on her stomach may well be due to a milk allergy and Cheryl has to cut dairy from her diet (which she is doing willingly and lovingly) ipso facto I must curtail my dairy as well in a show of inhuman support…Therefore…Todd can’t have no tacos!!!  Ain’t that some shiiiii….ahem.

So, there you have it.  I won fair and square and have been denied my prize!  I fancy myself a simple man, not one wanton for vast, superfluous luxuries.  Gold, Diamonds, Lexii, socks that match my trousers, I can do without those things.  There are things much more worth my time, like my family, friends, and you my dear readers who fit nicely into both categories…but can’t a man have some dang tacos?  It ain’t much to ask for, yet it is enough to make one use coarse language like “ain’t” in order to, in a somewhat Faulknerian way (you like that? I made that up) emphasize the angst in my gullet, the desire in my palate to ascertain that which I fought hard for.  For what is a man if he hath not love?  What is a taco if it hath not cheese?  In the immortal words of Slim Pickens…”I am dee-pressed”.




  1. Give Todd tacos or give him death!

  2. Todd, here’s my suggestion:
    You could substitute soy cheese, which actually doesn’t taste quite as yucky as it may sound, and still have the tacos without the poisonous dairy… you can redeem your taco coupons without guilt because you’ll be sparing cute little Layla from the dreadful tummy rash… All my love to you and your pretty ladies!

  3. Todd, I know this comment is late, but I don’t understand???

    My dear little Hannah had the worst reflux ever, combined with my lovely wife’s IBS—that means that Rebecca has not really had milk products in years. Do I let that stop me??? NO FREAKIN’ WAY! I still eat cheese, ice cream, (drink) milk, etc. Here’s what you do: For example, when we go out for “ice cream”, I get the awesome double chocolate chip, while I look at my wife’s sorbet with envy (trying not to substitue pity for envy) and then I ask for a taste. After having the taste, I comment on how good that was–how refreshing the frozen ice and fruit are….and then I go back to my luscious, creamy ice cream. Same thing can work with tacos….don’t give in, don’t give in or the next thing you know, you will be eating soy meat instead of good ole’ cow. If you need any other pointers on how to still eat well, while your wife, the mother of your child suffers, just let me know–I have a lot of practice.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s


%d bloggers like this: