Posted by: toddzilla | January 16, 2008

Writer’s block roundup

Geez, I’m sorry to my vast hordes (is that the right term?) of readers out there, but I just haven’t been able to string more than two coherent thoughts together in order to formulate, for your reading enjoyment/abject horror, a decent post.  So, let me go back to the ol’ standby…my baby…and farting.  As Jeff’s wife, Rebecca, has pointed out, farting is what we all want to hear about anyway.  So here’s what we’ve been up to at the Casa de Toddzilla, a.k.a. the PleasureDome:

Click the jumpy jump for the goods!

Thank the good Lord for bathroom exhaust fans- Even aside from the obvious reason!  Apparently our guest bathroom exhaust fan sounds exactly like Cheryl’s womb…whodathunkit?  It’s valium for Layla.  If she’s fussy, it calms her…If it’s time for nighty-night, 60 seconds in the audio-scape of bathroom prop-wash knocks her out like Tommy Morrison (without the pizza commercial deal or head trauma for that matter…thankfully).  Cheryl discovered this phenomenom and Big Daddy has perfected it!  Here’s the technique…I stand in the dark in the bathroom at night (something I have neeeeeeeever done before….) and sway gently back and forth like a middle-schooler at the fall dance (okay, so maybe I have swayed back and forth in the bathroom at night).  As my raccoon-like night vision slowly adjusts I watch my little girl’s eyes until they close then give her a five count (sway forward….”one”….sway back again…”two” etc.)  If her eyes stay closed for 5, then I start over until I get to 60.  Odds are she, like most women, is putty in my hands!  Rock and roll!  It’s sleepy time down south.  I proceed to adjust her in my arms to a more crib-dropoff accessible hold (something like a cross between handling radioactive material and the walk of the officers in “Crimson Tide” when they were trying to verify the launch code authenticity).  I wait a second to see if her eyes open….no?  Then it’s off the crib so Ma and Pa can watch “Rock of Love 2”!

 Mrs. Bubble- Miss Layla has been enjoying (well sometimes) baths here lately!  I would show you pics, but I’m not gonna show off my daughter’s naughty bits on the web…ya’ pervs!  The other night, we had us a little bubble bath.  “Where do I get baby bubble bath?” You may ponder…well it’s free!  Just combine equal parts, water, baby, and gas and voila!  Bubble bath!  Or as we call it, “Po’ man’s baby bath” (just like a fried bologna sandwich is a “Po’ Man’s steak sandwich” [pronounced “sammich”]).  Yeah, my girl farted in the tub.  It made Daddy proud (and laugh).  Cheryl wasn’t as amused…she’s a stick in the mud sometimes.  She was all like “let’s hurry and clean her so she doesn’t get cold” and I was all like “Tee-Hee!”  and stuff.  I love my wife, but dang, sometimes she just doesn’t understand high-brow humor.

It’s pronounced “Shed-ual”-  If your British that is.  Yes, we’re getting a bit of a routine going now.  We used to have a bit of a mad rush in trying to feed her at 9:00 and change her and put her down (that sounds so bad..put her down!?!) quickly so that Ma and Pa could get to bed (yes I said get to bed around 9:30).  But now that she’s sleeping better we crank up the boob at 7:00, the wipes and diapers at 7:15 and the exhaust fan at 7:30 baby!  Efficient!  Layla is getting about 5 to 6 hours of sleep the first shot and about 3 the second, so we are blessed with that (me more than Cheryl because she has the night shift).

Well, that’s about it for now…thanks for reading!


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