Posted by: toddzilla | October 31, 2007

Master T’s Theatre…To err is human…To “Arr” is pirate!

In the throes of pregnancy, many compulsions have overtaken our lovely and talented Cheryl.  Her body no longer passes warmth from its core to its lovely extremities,  she cannot go anywhere without a water bottle,  her pants zippers have been kidnapped and replaced with wide elastic bands, and  last ,but most dastardly of all, her subconscience is wracked with yearnings and dark desires…voracious appetites for things that normally hold no sway over mere man, but to her represent obstacles…obstacles to the vows she has taken to her innocent husband.  Yes, our dear heroine yearns for the sweet, sweet taste of the forbidden fruit of corn on the cob!  Join us in our latest episode as our antagonist, one Monsieur Corn, attempts to woo our lovely Cheryl into the downward spiral of culinary infidelity…

mrcorn_pirate.jpg

Do you want to see what deviltry Monsieur Corn has in store?  There is more…so much more after the jump…Join us as our sweet vision of grace, Cheryl slumbers beside her husband and our nocturnal vegetable seizes his opportunity…Click on the jump (if you dare!):

Monsieur Corn:  Ahhh, mon amour!  You look so, how you say, cheelly this cool autumn night.  Cud-dale up my peegeon.  All in your cute feet-tail pozeetion.  My dove, do you know what would warm you up prop-airly?  The heat from your nice, sweet boiled corn on zee cob, your Monsieur Corn…your vegetable lovair!  It ees, um how you say, zee ‘Alloween, no?  It ees zee time for to dress up and for to beg for zee candy, no?  do you like my leetle outfeet?  I am l’ sur les mer! Oh!  My peegeon, I conteenue to forget the eenfluence of that jackal upon my dove.  You do no know zee language of love!  In case you cannot tell from my leetle bandana, I am zee pirate! No?  Aw shan tay!  Avast ye mateys…or I weel be zee forced to slice vous with my sab-air! [makes a zorro motion with his blade].  Taste my cold steel, you peeg American heeck!  I will despatch with thees boorish American blob you call a husband!  Oh how I want to force heem to walk zee plahnk!  Then I would have my leetle turtaildove for to, how you say, shiver your timbers!  Aww aww aww!  I am getting zee suggestive, no?  Forgeeve my forward manner my dear, as I cannot control myself sometimes around such beauty as yourself.  Do you like my outfeet my leetle filet mignon?  How do you like my peg leg? Authenteek, no?  And my reeng for zee ear?  Ah, forgeeve me…I mean my earreeng?  You can see that I am not a “buck-an-ear”?  Har har har!  Get eet?  Buck-an-ear?  Sacre bleu!  I am zee so funnee sometimes!  I have a seense of humair to go along with my, ahem, more obvious attributes you see.  Aww haw haw! 

[Todd rolls over and yawns as Monsieur Corn ducks quickly]

Monsieur Corn: Oh zee brute awakes!  He must sense my manly presence and the threat to his weak manhood!  I speet in his direction, the peeg!  Well, mon amour, your pirate of zee love, must sail his ship towards zee sea of candy!  But trust me my leetle peanut breetle, I would much rather sail towards zee booty…and I theenk you know which booty I mean!  ‘Appy ‘Alloween my love!  Until next time, for it ees now zee time for to get zee, how you say, Reese’s Cup, no?  Ah shantay!  It is zee time for to run zee topsail up my mizzenmast!  Am I turneeng you on?  Oh, you leetle skamp you!  ROWR!Au revoir my dove!  For you are to haveeng bee-eeng mon capitaine!

Monsieur Corn:  Oh what zee heck…here are some peectures of my leetle peegeon all for to dressed up for zee ‘Alloween, no?  Check out zee leetle one’s very first ‘Alloween costume (peanuts_halloween.jpg).  And here is un addeetional peecture por vous (peanuts_halloween2.jpg).

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Responses

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