Posted by: toddzilla | September 27, 2007

Is this urine or mine? (Part I)

Hey there everybody!  I’m sorry that it’s been so long between posts, but I gotta be honest…doing all that IT kinda work putting up those pictures for you guys in the last post just wore me out.  That’s a lot of cutting and pasting and you can ask my kindergarten teacher…I just wasn’t all that good at cutting and pasting or coloring and writing for that matter.  I got all kinds of “frowny faces” on my seatwork.  Remember the days of seatwork?  Those were the days.  But they slowly morph into homework and then into realwork and alas, the fun is over.  Then it becomes time to marry, mate and procreate and here we are!  Where has that led my household lately?  To quote Keith Jackson…”Oh Nelly!”  You wouldn’t believe what my wife has to do now…and how much trouble I’m gonna be in for posting about it!  Do you wanna know what’s up?  Click on the jump to find out!

If you took the time to read the title of this post, you would realize that I am about to go on a long diatribe about farting urine.  Hoo boy!  Who doesn’t want to know about that?  Well you do, because you clicked on the jump, so I’ll give you a little time to feel guilty about your sordid curiousities… …

….

Okay that should do it.  Now it’s time for the good stuff!  You see, before meeting me, my lovely wife had high blood pressure.  She had the guts to move from snowycold-arse lovely Buffalo, Canada down to a hickhillbillyredneck rustic part of North Cackalacky.  Well, that combined with the stresses of her job and being a stranger in a strange land helped to elevate her blood pressure.  Then she moved to an area of yankee relocation liberated thinking, Chapel Hill.  Blood pressure?  Still high…Then she met adonis me and well I suppose that my good loving easy manner and even-keeled persona has helped to greatly reduce her blood pressure.  So, having gone through all of that and lost about half of my urine-yearning readers (say that 3 times real fast), here’s the meat of the story.  Since Cheryl has had a history of high blood pressure, she has to have her urine tested at this phase of her pregnancy.  What they are testing it for, I have no idea (taste? feel? color? form?).  I hope that she doesn’t have the same results as Mike Vick. 

Anyhoo…in order to get the test, she has to carry a big half-gallon bottle around and collect a 24 hour sample!  That’s a lot o’ whizz!  (I asked why didn’t request two bottles.  I shouldn’t have asked that)…Of course when she told me this, she was under a bit of duress and worry and I was laughing hysterically genuinely concerned and feeling pangs of compassion for the weight that my wife was enduring to bring our child into this world.  You see, not only does she have to keep a urine collection, but the good Doc noted that she must keep it cold and suggested keeping it in the fridge.  Which was cool with me, it’s not like I was gonna get it mixed up with apple juice or anything (c’mon give me a little credit).  But apparently, pee-bottles have exterior cooties or something and that necessitates China Syndrome-like separation from our foodstuffs.  So, this Sunday, poor Cheryl has to tote around an orange pee-bottle (at least they could have made it look like a 2-liter of Whiz-Bang Cola or something a little incognito) in a styrofoam ice-filled cooler.  Ooooh boy!  Oh, and it just happens to be the day of our first baby shower…at my home church, out in the country.  Cheryl flatly refuses to take the bottle into the fellowship hall during the shower.  Of course, this is where daddy comes in…doing the dirty work.  Whenever my pregnant wife gets the urge to take a leak (Yeah right!  Like that’s gonna happen) big daddy has to leg it out to the car and get the whiz-kit.  I thought about wrapping up the cooler as a shower gift so that it could sit on the gift table all 007 and stuff, but that idea was vetoed in favor of me…legging it out to the car…to get the urine cooler.  Oh well, hang around for part II (hopefully next week) and I will let you know how it goes!

Oh, and momma and baby are doing great!  Junior kicks whenever I’m around and that is inexpressively awesome!  I’m hoping that Junior recognizes daddy’s voice and that may help me to be some sort of help when Junior is crying or what-not.  Maybe I can be of some comfort.  Cheryl is getting to the uncomfortable stage of pregnancy where she has heartburn, a sore back, and a growing inability to tie her shoes or paint her toenails.  Her energy level is really low, so she gets so tired and I just wanna boost her up somehow.  I’m sure that will come as soon as Junior makes an entrance!

Thanks again guys for reading and keeping up with us!  We owe our families and friends so much!

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Responses

  1. “Her energy level is really low, so she gets so tired and I just wanna boost her up somehow. I’m sure that will come as soon as Junior makes an entrance!”

    Todd, Hannah is 3 weeks old today—We’re tired, very tired. So tired.

    Sorry!


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