Posted by: toddzilla | July 13, 2007

I have a nice voice, so I’ve been told

When I am asked to have any part in a defining moment of someone’s life, I am truly honored.  Likewise, when I asked friends and family to participate in my wedding, it was done with much reflection and consideration.  I am truly honored to have been asked by my sister-in-law (my wife’s sister) to read at their wedding.  This is especially meaningful to me because my sister-in-law is going out on a limb for me.  You see, it will be a wedding at a Catholic church in Buffalo and I, well, I was raised Southern Baptist in North Cackalacky.  This is a big stretch, to ask me to play such an integral part in such an important day and during a revered and graceful ceremony.  No pressure, right?  Well compound this with the fact that, unbeknownst to the casual reader of this here blog, I have a bit of southern flare to my speech.  In other words, I sound like a hick.  I’m hoping to pull off a rustic Southern charm thing kinda like, I dunno, William Faulkner.  But I will probably come off like Ernest T. Bass.  Katie’s reasoning for her choice as I was told, was that I have a good voice for pauses…Um…okay…So I have a good voice for times when there is nothing to be said.  Therefore, I must genuinely wonder if this proposal was well thought out.  Well, in an effort to smooth it all out as much as possible, here are a few Southern eccentricities and my attempts to explain them (check ’em out after the jump!):

-“yessir”,”yessiree”,”y’all”, and “I suppose so” are all Southern equivalents of amen, selah, or shalom.

-“Jeeee-zus!”-Our Father in Heaven

-“Lawd”-Our Father in Heaven

-“Have Mercy!”-I wholeheartedly agree with you

-“Preachah Man”-father

-“Kathrin”-Katherine

-“Brine”-Bryan

-“Lettuce”-Let us

-“Fahfeelmen”-Fulfillment

-“Die-yed”-Died

-“Day-yed”-Dead

-“Sai-lens”-Silence

-“Karen”-Caring

-“Dah-vine”-Divine

Well, that is a small sampling of some of the quaint orations that may emanate from my word-hole.  For some reason, the story of the tower of Babel comes to mind, because I feel like I will read the Prayer of the Faithful and it will sound like I’m speaking in tongues…slow tongues…to the congregation (do you guys call folks at a mass a congregation?  Is a wedding considered a mass?  Oh man, I got some studying to do).  At first I was scared that I may be asked to read a part of the Bible that we Protestants don’t have like Enoch or Maccabees or what not (Baptists got the blue-light special Bible or something…we don’t get ALL the good book, just parts of it), but Katie was kind (as always) and let me read the Prayer of the Faithful.  I think I even get to raise my arms while the congregation (massees?) responds with “Lord hear our prayer”…sweet!  Can I put my hand to my ear and say “I can’t hear you!”

Oh well, here’s to you, Katie…I know you lurk at this blog because you’re a glutton for stupidity (that’s why you’re marrying Bryan…I kid…I kid).  I sincerely am honored by your going out on a limb on your wedding and having me be both a part of your wedding party and a speaker as well.  I can only hope that I may, on your special day, uphold the dignity and grace that you have always shown me.  I wish you and Bryan the very best!

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Responses

  1. Todd- We are so glad that you will be a part of our special day.
    We are very lucky to have you in the family.

  2. Todd – having nothing but this post to make an assessment, you are the complete antithesis of a hick! Charming, witty, and self-effacing would be much better descriptors.
    I found your post b/c I was trying to “research” this Prayer of the Faithful thingy… like you, I was asked by a dear friend to do this reading and I have no idea what this entails. The wedding is in Ireland with my girlfriend’s hard-core Catholic family in attendance. I’m hoping God doesn’t smite my agnostic arse just for stepping into his crib!
    Anyways, I’m hoping you can fill me in as to what I will be doing and/ or send me a link to the text and/or whatever you did to prepare. I really don’t want to mess up my small part of the wedding and any help from you would be greatly appreciated!

  3. Toni-

    Thanks so much for your comment. You are truly too kind and I appreciate your underserved compliments! Welcome to my corner of this here interwebs. Feel free to look/read around!

    All should be welcome into any house of wroship, so I’m sure you won’t have to worry about a “smoting” err…”smiting”? Boy, I thought Buffalo was a center of Catholicism, but you are going to Catholic NORAD aren’t you? You sound like you are already very considerate of your friend’s feelings and I’m sure that will show in reverence to your task.

    I highly recommend getting in touch with the Priest (either directly or through your friend or her family) and getting a copy of the prayer that that church recognizes. I researched it briefly and their appears to be no set text for the prayer. What’s acceptable in Buffalo may not work in Ireland (plus you may to use a metric version of the prayer). I would read each section, pause and look up to say “Let us pray to the Lord” and then I would raise my hands and say along with the congregation “Lord hear our prayer”. Here is the version I was given:

    1. For our Holy Father on earth, the Pope, all the
    bishops and the clergy everywhere that they may lead
    us to deeper faith in God and a stronger love for
    others, let us pray to the Lord.

    2. For our president and all leaders of government
    that they may be effective in achieving peace and
    eliminating poverty, let us pray to the Lord.

    3. For married persons that they may continue to give,
    be able to forgive, and find happiness deepen with the
    passing of each day, let us pray to the Lord.

    4. For BRIDE and GROOM, now beginning their life
    together, that they may have divine assistance at
    every moment, the constant support of friends, the
    rich blessing of children, a warm love reaching out to
    others, and good health until a ripe old age, let us
    pray to the Lord.

    5. For those who are sick, lonely, discouraged, or
    opressed that they may be strengthened by God’s help
    and aided by their friends, let us pray to the Lord.

    6. For those who have died, especially the relatives
    and friends of BRIDE and GROOM and of all present
    for this wedding, that they may enjoy perfect
    happiness and total fulfillment in eternal life, let
    us pray to the Lord.

    7. For these personal needs which we mention now in
    silence (pause), let us pray to the Lord.

    Of course substitute their names for “BRIDE” and “GROOM”. Other than that, I just took my time pausing occasionally for effect especially at the beginning of section 4 (where I looked at the bride and groom and smiled).

    Oh, I recommend having 3 copies of the prayer…one stuck in the pulpit, one in your pew and one folded pocket (just in case). I know it sounds like too much, but I didn’t want to be the one to goof up!

    I hope that helps! Enjoy Ireland and this opportunity and hopefully everyone will accept your agnostic arse!

    Thanks for stopping by and come on back anytime!


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