Posted by: toddzilla | July 10, 2007

Save me Jebus!

Any Simpsons fan worth his/her weight will recognize the title of this post as Homer’s religious calling as a missionary to Jesus or as he calls him “Jebus”.  As you may well know, I have an unhealthy fixation (hence the tag) with the TV show “Cops”.  Last night, I was watching the beach version on Court TV, “Beach Patrol” (at least I think that was the title).  It’s basically “Cops” at the beach (duh!) and last night it was at San Diego and there was a guy who was busted for lobster-poaching.  Anyway…the guy that saw him arise from the deep with said lobster and a speargun was discussing it with the cops when the poacher told him that, and I quote…”Stop lying, Jesus is gonna punish your dumb ass”.  Indeed!  This, of course, made me laugh out loud (I’m sick like that).  I know for a fact that one, if not more, holy men read this blog on occasion and I implore he/them to please…please preach a sermon titled “Jesus is gonna punish your dumb ass”.  Isn’t it curious how we, when caught with our figurative hand-in-the-cookie-jar, resort to calling on the Lord’s name either out of guilt or to condemn.  Then here I am, stupid enough to laugh heartily at it.  It was an appreciation of irony, not the enjoyment of someone using the Lord’s name in jest.

So stay strong and steady…gird your loins so that you will not be waiting at the pearly gates knowing that your life was defined by providing false witness against a lobster poacher.  Woe be to the man that falsely tesitfies against a lobster poacher!



  1. If you come to Evolution tonight, I promise you will hear the word ass. You can take that to the bank!

  2. For the record, I held up my end of the bargain. There was ass talk tonight.

  3. Man…Jesus is probably gonna punish me for that…I just hope it’s not kung-fu Jesus. He looks like he could kick…well you know…

  4. Don’t worry Todd, I laughed too.

  5. As a missionary, I need to have this traslated into SiSwati so I can use it on the locals here,- they are very “turn or burn”
    This line might work! ha ha
    Help me Jebus!

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