Posted by: toddzilla | June 22, 2007

Master-T’s Theatre-The French Riviera…Ooh la la!

Yes, we are in the second trimester and with that comes hormones (apparently…I didn’t know this until I read about it…in a book).  With the hormones comes unbridled lasciviousness…yearnings…cravings…wanton lusts!  With my lovely wife, it is no different.  She craves, like a madwoman, the one thing that may tear our marriage apart!  Corn on the cob!  GASP!

Let us join our recalcitrant opportunist as he weaves a web of lustful intrigue, while our heroine is asleep, in order to snare the sweet butterfly that is my Cheryl…

That rogue!  That scoundrel!  That ill-meaning, not nice so-and-so:  Monsieur Corn!

Monsieur Corn: Oh mon ami!  My leetle love bug, no?  Are you sleeping sweetly my leetle pee-gieon?  My leetle dew drop?  Aw Aw Aw!  You looks zee so lovely, no?  I am here for you my leetle filet mignon…for to take you away to zee French Ree-viera!  See, I have my…my…how you say…sweemsuit, no?  My bathing suit, oui?

mrcorn_speedo.jpg

Monsieur Corn:  You like?  Of course you do my dear…you are so discrminating in your tastes…except for your tastes in husbands!  The swine you have is, but tripe to your filet, no?  “Pit-too”!  I speet in his direction, zee swine!  You like my sweemsuit?  It is not like those baggy sacks that the scummy American poots wear!  No!  It is zee form-fitting, exquisite ode to zee male form that is…zee Speedo!  Yes, zee Speedo!  Can you tell that I’ve been working out?  Yes, it’s all for you my turtledove…my honey drop…my chocolate cheep cookie.  Let me turn around so you can see my tooshie…Let me squinch it up for you show off zee, how you say “unnngh” definition, no?  I could crack zee walnut in there oui?  Much like my fellow countrymen, you will surrender…you will surrender not to zee Germans, no.  But to my gluteous maximus Aw-shawn-tay!

So my love, you want zee name for your child…zee spawn of your lovely genes and the swill that is your husband’s…zee scum!  Name your child something poetic like, Renee or Pierre.  Jacque?  Jean Luc?  Louis?  But knowing that “heek” beside you, the poor child will probably be Bubba, Ray-Ray, or Tater!  Oh, my love, he is nothing compared to you…He is zee scum!

(Todd rolls over and cuts a quit snore)

MC: [drops down to hide and slowly re-emerges]  Oh the peeg awakes!  I must take my leave my dear.  maybe next time you can swather me with zee butter so that I may lay in zee sun for to tan for you, no?

Au Revioir my dove…Keesses for you…

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Responses

  1. is your company hiring? I’d like to work at a leisurely pace yet make 4 times what I currently make.

  2. I would also like to quadroople my salary and work at an even slower pace…and look at sweet, sweet corn

  3. Yeah, sweet corn…not that Iowa crap (are you listening Dave?)!

    We never had the corn-off. What happened?

  4. I could go for some corn. No Monsieur Corn. But some corn on the cob.


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