Posted by: toddzilla | June 12, 2007

I need a little advice (and money)

I am about to get all multi-tasking up in here!  This post is gonna cover our latest purchase (crib and combo changing-table-hutchie-thingie-dresser).  Me and the missus kinda went out on a limb last night and…gasp!…picked a crib and changing dresser from two different collections!  Granted, they are the same manufacturer and finish (unlike the pics I have in this post), but we thought that they could go together.  Tell us what you think (I’m desperate for feedback on whether or not I committed a nursery faux pas.  First, here is the crib we finally decided on (in the color shown-Oak):

Now, the tricky part.  In order to get drawers on the dresser, we ordered the following dresser from a different collection (I only have a dark finish picture though…we did not get the upper “hutch” part, just the dresser and, of course, ordered it in Oak as well):

So, with all that in mind…same color, different collection…does this dresser match, style-wise with the crib?  Let a brother know!

Now, how can I get some cash to afford this?  Babies are expensive!  Who’da thunk it?  So here are some ways, that I am planning on funding our baby habit.

-Sell crack-nah, too obvious…not all that funny

-Sell my sperm…sounds like fun and it is kinda ironic isn’t it?  That’s what got me in this spot to begin with.  Well, either it was mine or the milkman’s.  Do the, ahem, “banks” have copies of Linda Carter Monthly?  Oh Yeah!

-Make an indecent proposal to Rachel Ray where she agrees to pay me a million dollars for…well…I wonder if Cheryl would be cool with that?

-Go on Oprah and hope that she is giving stuff away?  Even better, I could set up 10 cameras and wait for a handout.  Oprah LOVES to give money away as long as there are 10 cameras there to film it.

-Sell my skills at MSPaint to the highest bidder (hello Super Bowl ad space!)

Hi, I’m Mr Bunny and I want to ask you to try Doritos or so help me, I will stomp you like Thumper did that log in Bambi…Remember that?  Yeah, I thought so.  Go Bears!

-Bet against Michael Vick’s dogs (once Clinton Portis gives me directions to the dog-fighting arena).

-Sell a kidney…ouch!

-Sell plasma…ouch!

-Pose for Playgirl’s “Hairy and Big-Nosed” issue?  It would come with one of the credit card-size magnifying lenses that old folks use to read restaurant menus.

-Start a meteoric rise to fame and hip-hop glory by droppin’ mad rhymes from my Sweet Pickle Posse days?

-Let Angelina Jolie adopt me?

-Go on the Di-Di-Mao circuit of Russian Roulette a la The Deer Hunter?  I would look good all sweaty with a red bandanna and a revolver to my head…well maybe not.

-Become a second-string quarterback for the Falcons…never start…then get traded to the Texans for mad cash!  I bet Matt Schaub can afford a crib.

Well, feel free to send any and all donations my way.  I will sing and dance for nursery furniture.  Also, let me know if our furniture-matching skills are adequate.  I need feedback…confirmation…and a hug.



  1. Todd,

    I love the changing table and I think they go well together. My only thought about the crib is with the front being lower, will it make it easier for baby to climb out?

    Yes, babies are expensive. Let’s hope baby Vaughn is a good eater and does not have to go on liquid formula which costs $3.99 a can and makes 2 bottles and Sophie ate a bottle every 3 hours. I think we might have spent several hundreds of dollars just in formula for the first year of life!

    I’m also impressed with how on top of things y’all are. I think Logan’s nursery was ready a few days before he was born. Poor second child!

  2. Need money? I know of this great job that is going to open up on Aug. 17. Good hours, a chance to be involved in “the minds of the future,” or sit around and blog most of the day.

  3. Todd,

    Here’s the hug ( u )

    I love the furniture and agree with Gretchen.

    As for the appetite, Cheryl should prepare for the grocery bill to multiply like bay-bay kids. Either the kid will be a finicky eater and need the expensive formula or little Vaughn will put his daddy’s appetite to shame and empty the cabinets in the first week.

    Shannon, prepare to put in a good word for Todd. I think he’ll be needing a part-time job to support his kid’s eating habit.

  4. $3.99 a can! Good Lawd!!!! Just pour some in my hands! I hope that price is for top-shelf formula! Do they have a Boone’s Farm equivalent? I better invent something to make money…quick.
    Thanks for the feedback on the furniture…and the hug…and the job offer. It’s so great to have support. I’m not sure that I would pass the background check for the job though.
    Can I feed the kid apple sauce and grits? There’s not too much chewing involved with that…

    Oh yeah, the crib mattress has three lower levels of adjustment to drop it down so that junior can’t climb out…unless he’s Mutombo-tall. If that’s the case, then I will bill him for formula once he gets that NBA contract.

  5. Todd,

    I’m really not sure you want MY job. But, you know, one good way to make some extra money – and I’m not kidding about this one – is to do some officiating.

  6. Will there be a pad on the changing table/dresser combo thingy to make it soft for baby Vaughn? I think the furniture is beautiful!

  7. That was the cheap liquid formula! Gotta love kids! 🙂

  8. That was the cheap stuff!!! Dang! Can you make the stuff on your own in a food processor or something?

  9. Todd,

    I will definitely advise against the “donation” method to raise money. The world isn’t ready for an entire generation of Todd’s running around. And trust me, you will feel guilty afterwards and one day they will try to find you at your church and it will be awkward and…… uh, never mind, I have “friends” who have done it and then regretted it. Changing subjects..

    Your Rachel Ray idea was better. (But seriously Rachel Ray? She is cute and she can cook, but come on, even 60 year old Linda Carter is better than that) Todd Vaughn, male escort. Here would be your ad.

    Available for you pleasure a TV (Todd Vaughn) Dinner waiting to be warmed up and devoured by you ladies. Specializing in ladies with significant life experience (Over 65), the blind, women in comas and other special needs, this man of mystery will entertain you with witty stories, banter about Hip Hop Vendettas and insight into the world of professional wrestling. Looking for a man to meet all of your geriatric needs? Take home a TV Dinner and dig right in..

  10. Wow! Thanks for all the input! But…we found out last night that the dresser has been discontinued, so we will go with the one that comes with the crib and I have WAY too much time trying to find a picture of the goofy thing! It’s…um…plainer(?) with a door on the right-hand side rather than the drawers.

    Sarah-We are gonna get one of those half-pipe shaped pillows for Junior so he doesn’t roll off the table like I probably did as a child. Of course we didn’t have fancy dresser tables. We were changed on a bed of broken glass and bare electrical wires…while chewing aluminum foil…and we were happy! Oh yeah, it’s funny that you mention those pillow because every time we go into a store, I hafta pinch and poke those pillows because they’re so cool!

  11. Greg-Just saw your comment…Oh yeah! I could advertise myself out to what I like to call “experienced” ladies with “adjusted” standards. What’s up ladeeeez! Who’s up for strip bingo?

    Rachel Ray….mmmmm…I think I will have to do a special post now…an ode to my (second) gal Rachel. The more I think about it, the more I’m leaning towards Oprah. An indecent proposal to the Queen of all media! I’ll be all like…”What’s up Oprah” And she would be like “hey” then I would move in with the smooth line action that would sweep her off her feet and her wallet out of her purse to make a donation to the “Help Todd’s Baby fund”. It’s all…”Whattup Oprah!….Gir-uhl you got it goin’ on! I got 10 cameras and some Teddy Pendergrass on the iPod…let’s set up an account!” Oh….Yeah!

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