Posted by: toddzilla | May 10, 2007

Pray for me, because this made me laugh

More proof that common sense isn’t all that common…Yes, a man in New Britain, Conneticut was killed Monday while “Battle-Dancing”

Apparently the 48 year old (that’s right…48! or as my mom would say: “old enough to know better”) felt slighted that his dance rival had bested him with a mid-air flip, as if there could be any other type of flip.  So our tragic hero took it upon himself to perform a flip himself and promptly hit his head leading to cardiac arrest and his subsequent death.  My first thought was that he had to have died from some sort of blunt trauma or perhaps even a laceration, but no, it was cardiac arrest resulting from a head trauma…or so the coroner would have us believe.  We all know that it was embarassment at the realization that he just nailed his head while “battle-dancing”.  Yes, in other words, He Got Served.  Cue the Public Service Announcement…

[soft piano music plays while light slowly fades into a dark room and through the open door walks Alan Alda in a suit…one hand in his pocket]

Alan Alda: (pensively) The world is a scary place.  Pat Robertson has often told us the evils of evolution and well, now they have come to fruition…  Every 2000 years a man dies while “battle-dancing”.  Nature has found a new dastardly way to cleanse itself of stupidity and that way is “battle-dancing”  a wicked, heinous new beast unleashed on the masses of innocent, impressionable youth of America. [Alda approaches a young girl, pigtailed in a little dress holding a teddy bear]

Little Girl: But Mr. Alda, I’m scared!

AA: It’s okay little Abigail, there are two things you can do to avoid this man’s fate.  Live life so that you don’t have a fragile ego and…don’t mix the need to impress chicks with alcohol.

Abigail:  Gee thanks Mr. Alda! [smiles and playfully runs away, lights fade as Alda walks out the door].

Sure, I could use this as a chance to develop a woefully needed PSA, but I want to use this forum to protect my readers.  Ladies, I’m sure you remember the discussion we had about the 20th Anniversary of Dirty Dancing.  Why must you ladies continue to push to dangers of dancing upon us, the unwitting male victims of your campaign of oppression.  This poor man was dancing to impress chicks in a poorly-planned attempt to establish alpha male domination.  In other words, this guy died trying to live the simple man’s dream of being seen favorably in the eyes of the ladies.  We all know you ladies love dancing…well, look what you’ve done.  Dirty Dancing?  Dirty Dancing indeed!  More like Deadly Dancing!  Darn you Patrick Swayze, Richard Gere, and all your ilk!  Oh, and don’t get me started on the Von Trapps!

Take this to heart the next time you try to trap us into going to a “Dirty Dancing” or a “Save the Last Dance” or “You Got Served” or even “Breakin’ 2 Electric Boogaloo”.  Enjoy us males while we’re here for you never know…we may feel the need to live dangerously…to dance!

I’m gonna open up the comments for snarky one-liners (a la Bruce Willis in Die Hard) to sum this all up…Let me start it off with:  “Nobody, but nobody puts baby in a coma”

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Responses

  1. I am adding you to my list.

  2. To the tune of the George Micheal song:

    “Never gonna dance again, flat ECG has got no rhythm”


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