Posted by: toddzilla | April 9, 2007

Life is like a game of chess…

A checkmate, of course, is the ultimate goal of chess, but to achieve that, it is imperative for the player to establish control of the middle of the board during the opening phase going into mid-game.  If you lock up the middle of the board and can effectively use your knights, then it helps set up a successful endgame.

This holds true in many phases of the game that is life.  Life has different stages like a chess game’s Opening, Mid-game, and Endgame.  So, have a seat…I want to talke to you today about the phase of life known as…the Leisure Phase.  Much like mid-game in chess, the Leisure Phase of life involves controlling an important aspect of the board.  In a recent match that was in it’s Leisure Phase, I stumbled.  Much like Chris Webber, Bill Buckner, and Wile E. Coyote…I erred.  I took my eyes off the prize…I let my wife, the love of my life, true sunshine in my eyes, take over the remote control.  I know, I know, I can almost hear the colelctive gasp of my male readers.  Ashamed as I am…it’s so true.

When I finally sat down, not realizing my folly and the impending doom of a failed desperate endgame, I looked up and my eyes were met with the wretch-inducing notes of…The Sound of Music!  yes, the Von Trapps were traipsing on my TV screen!  Now I know how Napoleon felt when Wellington’s troops arose from behind the foggy, rolling bluffs…hidden on the fields of Waterloo.  I tasted the defeat of this Leisure Phase as I tasted the bit of throw-up in my mouth that musicals often elicit.

You see, save for “The Blues Brothers” and “Willie Wonka” (the original), I loathe musicals.  Why break up the action of a movie to burst into song?  Who does this?  Why do people suffer through this?  Imagine Walter Payton taking a handoff behind the line of scrimmage and then stopping to sing “Phantom of the Opera”?  That’s how I feel watching musicals.  “Blues Brothers” gets a pass because it is a movie about a band, therefore, music plays a part in the story.  Plus it’s the greatest soundtrack ever!  Sam & Dave, James Brown, John Lee Hooker, and Aretha Franklin…please.  “Willie Wonka” gets a pass because it’s Oompa Loompas singing…enough said.

So, for the first time in my life, I had to watch most of “The Sound of Music”.  I lost my Von Trapp virginity and it was painful.  I showered afterwards…trying to get clean.  But all I could hear was “The hills are alive…with the sound of muuuu—siccc”.  Now I know how Lady Macbeth felt…”Out damned spot”.  There never was a movie that I remember where I actually pulled for the Nazis to win…until this one.  I have to give props to the Captain though.  He was cool…almost Victor Newman cool…Not Toddzilla cool, but he was trying.

Oh yeah, the endgame.  Well checkmate occured the next morning when I checked the scheduled recordings list on the DVR…Memoirs of a Geisha (which I thought for a second sounded cool, until I saw that it was PG-13…nothing to see here) and Rent (there’s that taste in my mouth again…ugh!).

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Responses

  1. The Sound of Music is the Holy Grail of movies women want to trick you into watching. Next week Cheryl will be like, “Do you think Michel Pfeiffer is hot?” While you look at her dumbfounded, trying to figure out if this is a trick question she says, “Great, because I rented Grease 2”!

    As far as musical go, if you want to find one or two that are almost palatable I say go with Moulin Rouge or Chicago. Moulin Rouge was actually quite enjoyable. Does the Doors count as a musical?

  2. I’m proud to say I saw that the Sound of Music was on this weekend and said to myself What in the World, uh No. Luckily, I’m a Renewed single so I don’t have to worry about the remote.

    Does Little Shop of Horrors count as a musical or a train wreck you can’t help but watch?

  3. You might like Sweeney Todd. A musical about a wacko that lures people into his shop and makes hamburger out of them with the meat grinder.

    Why don’t you turn off the TV and do something productive together. Hmmmmm…imagine the possibilities!

  4. Mags-Contrary to most of my posts, we do not watch TV all the time. TV just provides the easiest means of a slightly comedic post. Maybe I can come up with something funny on our next walk through the neighborhood or something, but thanks for pointing my TV-centric posts out.

    Sweeney Todd! Awesome story! I had read about him on crimelibrary.com (awesome [yet depressing] site). Dude sliced throats and stuffed the corpses into an existing tunnel so his girlfriend could bake the meat into pies and sell them in her store down the street! EWWWWW! Talk about getting back at the world!

  5. When I was in 5th grade we went on a field trip to NYC. They took us to see Sweeney Todd. I have the playbill to prove it. Very strange! What was Mrs. Poulis thinking anyway?

    Comedic posts? I think I am loosing my sense of humor.

    I guess you were part of the reason Cop Rock got pulled.


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