Posted by: toddzilla | February 16, 2007

Droppin’ Knowledge…The “Accessory” Syndrome

I admit, I’m a bit slow on the uptake sometimes.  I miss a lot of things the first go ’round, but I don’t forget.  Once I gain the wisdom…I try to keep it and I feel that one of my responsibilities on this earth is to pass that wisdom on to others before they make the same mistakes I did.  So here’s some wisdom…Watch out when your girlfriend or wife wants to buy an “accessory”).  In case you don’t know, an accessory is any non-essential clothing item such as shoes, purses, jewelry, hats, etc.

A couple of weeks agoa, my lovely wife noted that she needed some casual brown shoes.  she has plenty of dress black and casual black shoes, but she needs something a little bit nicer than tennis shoes for work.  So I agreed to go with her because I have excellent taste in “kicks”.  This was mistake #1.  She found a pair of “cute” brown Skechers with light brown stripes.  I liked them and we bought them.  That’s when phase #1 of “Operation:Dupe the Dope” clicked into place.

A couple of weeks later after the wallet sting died down a bit, she subtly drops the hint that she needs a brown coat.  I inform her that she has too many coats as it is 2-3 nice coats, 2 casual coats, innumerable fleeces, and 2 raincoats…I think that’s all of them.  Well, this is where Phase #2 comes into play…”well Todd, I need a brown coat to go with my brown shoes”…BAM!  The flak has hit my wing and I’m going down!  Sure enough, she doesn’t have a brown coat.  Then of course, she can’t have a brown coat without scarves to go with said coat.  Apparently you can’t wear a black, blue, pink, orange, red & white striped, or white with red stripe scarf with a brown coat???  she has as many scarves as she does fleeces.  Oh, and what good is a scarf without gloves!  Yes, soon it will reach into the realm of winter hats (what we down south call toboggans) and purses and by then my wallet will be on life support.

So guys…watch out when she drops that oh so subtle hint of needing a dreaded “accessory”.  What can you do to prevent this, well take a look in her closet and memorize the basic color schemes, black, navy, gray, and brown.  She will need shoes, socks, belts, gloves, coats, scarves, and hats that will work in each color scheme.  So if she doesn’t have a navy coat…don’t let her get a navy belt!  I’m a a severe disadvantage here due to my semi-colorblindness, but don’t wait for me…leave me behind and save yourselves!  Check that closet out and nix the oddball colored “accessory” before it gets you!

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Responses

  1. More power to Cheryl!!

  2. Oh yeah, I forgot to include that the scheming women run in packs! Offering encouragement to other members of the “wolfpack” as they roam the retail landscape looking for slow wallets to trap and kill! Then group around and tear at the green flesh of the wounded wallet until all cash and credit is consumed.

    Then the pack looks around, their hunger almost sated…looking for the next purchase kill!

  3. I don’t think we can win that battle, Todd, of clothing and accessory. We can only hope to win our fair share of turf issues every now and then.

  4. In the words of that fake comedian on “The Nutty Professor”, “Women Be Shoppin’!, You cannot stop a woman from shoppin!”

    I’m extremely fortunate, though, and you all can envy me. When my wife says she needs a pair of brown shoes, she has the exact pair in mind and an exact price. She can find the exact pair, but if it’s not the exact price (cheap), she won’t buy it, and vice versa. So for her, buying shoes can literally be a 3 month ordeal. She’s that way with coats, and purses as well, the most expensive non-jewelry accessories. So when she says she needs shoes, or she wants to stop and look at shoes (or purses or coats), I say “Sure honey, whatever you want”. There’s only about a 5% chance that she’ll actually buy anything. She and I both know that by the time she would get a new wardrobe to match accessories the original purchas item will be out of style anyways, so she doesn’t bother.

    By the way, beacuse I always say “Sure you can buy some shoes”, my wifey points accrue even though my wallet fatness seldom decreases.

  5. ^ Awesome!

  6. I am a bit strange in that I am a man who enjoys accessorizing. I having many pairs of shoes, perhaps more than my wife. I also have jackets to go with specific outfits or colors. I am very stylish and unashamed. Just adding that in. I read your post, however, Todd and my hypocrisy meter was going off the charts. How expensive was that Treo? How much was the new guitar? Did you get any accessories with either? How many brown shoes can your wife buy to equal one of those? Your wife may like things, but she strikes me as somewhat frugal. Count your blessings that your wife doesn’t want an armada of designer jeans that go for over 2 bills a pop!

  7. My butt looks excellent in those $200 jeans!

  8. For the record, my wife just invited you to check out and comment on her butt. That is a first in a blog circles.

  9. Since when is it the preacher’s responsibility to point out hypocrisy in others! As if…! The guitar was for the Lord…and the Treo, well yeah, that one is on me. Point well taken.

    In all fairness, I did leave out an important aspect that Grant mentioned. My wife is a frugal shopper and has set limits on what she will spend for something and for that, I am grateful. I can let her browse without much fear. I have to give props because she waited until February to buy the coat when it was 60% off and the scarves were on sale too. The point of the post, however, is to cue guys into the ol’ bait and switch routine that is “accessories”. The purchase of the brown shoes was premeditated and carried out knowing that the aforementioned coat purchase would follow. Therefore, the court is seeking indictment on “accessorizing in the first”. Oh yeah, where can I get one of those “hypocrisy meters”?

    And, in case you were wondering, my butt looks like $19.50, but I’m sure Greg already knows that…I’ve seen ya’ looking! And no, I don’t work out…It’s all in the genes…and the jeans…Hey-yo!

  10. I cannot believe this post! First off, the shoes were purchased with leftover gift card money and then alittle extra cash. Now, of course the gift card was Todd’s, but he wasn’t using it!!!! Then, he is right. I did need all of the accessories. I have to admit, I look darn cute when it all comes together. AND, I used the birthday cash that I got from all of my in-laws, so the coat, scarf, and gloves don’t even come out of our monthly budget.

    He can’t complain. The guitar did need humidifiers, strings, and I’m sure more accessories will come up in the future.

    I think…. I need to go shopping. No new outfit is complete without and jeans and sweaters and oh oh don’t forget the jewelery!

  11. classic!!!!

  12. Again…we’ve missed the point of the post…Just passing some knowledge on to to the players in the world: guys beware of the “accessory”. It leads to other purchases. It’s a premeditated ploy to destroy your financial stability.

    And in my defense:

    New lefty Taylor: Expensive
    Humidifier to protect the investment: $8
    Making a (somewhat) joyful noise to the Lord: PRICELESS
    Using the Lord’s name in vain: Sketchy at best

  13. Todd,

    You might as well stop while you are ahead.

    Signed,

    Your Credit Card Statement

  14. Well, since we’re all talking about Gretchen’s butt now, let me make some observations…

    OK, no one is really talking about it but me (pun totally intended), but can I really pass this up?

    Gretchen, I have to admit I don’t have a complete knowledge of how your butt looks at different jeans price-points, which is probably good for both my friendship with your husband and my marriage. But does your butt know the difference between, say, $50 jeans vs $200 jeans? Maybe it’s simliar to going out to a nice dinner, you tend to look your best when you’re going to be spending some more money.

    At risk of making an ass of myself, I interviewed my butt this morning and asked it that very question and the response was moving. My butt said it was so honored to be my butt, that whatever I wanted to put on for pants was just fine with it. I never knew.

    So I will theorize that the butt is not so concerned about the price of jeans that cover it – it wants to just have a realtionship with you, and that alone will help it to look good in all situations.

    I can see the bumper sticker now: Have you talked to your butt today?

    I realize I have brought a new reality to all who read this and I’ll stop here to let things sink in.

    Peace,
    -David

  15. Ladies and Gentlemen-you heard it here first! “Stuff My Brain Filter Doesn’t Catch” brings you an interview that will likely touch your heart: Dave’s re-butt-al!

    Way to throw in a double-barrelled pun in one sentence!:

    “At risk of making an ASS of myself, I interviewed my butt this morning and asked it that very question and the response was MOVING”

    Bravo! Good Show!

    Step aside “Economist”, “Scientific American”, and “Maxim”, SMBFDC has brought you Dave’s ass insight. Dave’s ass is now embedded in the war zone that is his drawls…risking its safety to bring you the hard-hitting stories that inquiring minds like my readers want!

    You smelled it here first…at SMBFDC!

    And to throw in my editorial comments on this hot issue…It would be unhealthy for me to buy a pair of $200 jeans because there is no way that I would let myself fart on $200 jeans! So I would no doubt expand and eventually explode.

  16. I’m glad you noticed the double-pun. It’s good to know that my readers have a high level of reading skillz.

    I also think, for no other reason than to mention it, I am going to mention Gretchen’s butt in all my comments for the foreseeable future.

    So, you can expect a little mention, possibly a long winded dissertation about her butt or maybe just a little… GB.

    -David

  17. I think clothing manufacturer’s should follow the FDA’s model and start stamping stuff “GB Approved”. These jeans are Gretchen’s Butt Approved! Stamp Guaranteed.

    Charmin…GB Approved.
    Louis Vitton Luggage…GB Approved.

  18. I think I have started something and I don’t know how to stop it. I blame David for taking it to a new level!

  19. The preceding message was “GB Approved”.

  20. I forsee the need for future reconciliation. Is there a pastor in the house?

    Peace!
    Maggie


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