Posted by: toddzilla | December 13, 2006

Time for some controversy

This is actually the topic that pushed me to start a blog, so here it is.  In the men’s restroom (the only type I’m famililar with except for that one time when I was a kid and there was a restroom door with lots of paper clippings hung on it…one of which conveniently covered the “wo” in “women”, but that was a long time ago) anyway…in the men’s restroom, we usually have a “handicapped” stall which is larger than the other stalls, of course, to accomodate a wheelchair or whatnot.  Well, I have known guys that prefer to use that stall when…well you know…on a bombing run.  This has become an issue in my mind.  Would using that stall, in essence, be the same thing as parking in a handicapped spot in a parking lot?  I mean what if a handicapped individual had to…well you know…and someone was in that stall?  I can imagine that (depending on the voracity of nature’s call) having the stall occupied when it is needed would be a bit more worrisome than not being able to park in a closer spot at the mall.  Am I overreacting to this phenomenom?

 As an aside…the bathrooms on my all-male dorm at college (NCSU baby!) …Owen residence hall was about 50 years old and, of course, used by guys and not a pretty place at all…except for one stall where someone had taken a Sharpie marker and drawn a nice rolling landscape complete with trees and huge mushrooms.  That was my stall of choice just for the scenery.  Oh yeah, that and the one with all the funny sayings…where someone had written “Slayer” on the door then someone else followed up with “7” before it and “burrito” after for the classic…”7 Slayer Burrito”  Awesome!  And of course the classic “Real men wipe with their shirts”!  All guys dorms are a magical place!



  1. A couple of things:1) what is the nature of your bathroom? Is it clean, is it roomy? If it is, and a non-handicapped stall is available, you should definitely use that one. If the stalls are dirty and very small AND there are no handicapped people in the building, then I say use the handicapped restroom. You may only know if there are handicapped folks in the building if this is a work restroom away from the general public.

    2) My favorite restroom in college was in the University house that my fraternity lived in. The upstairs restroom was next to a radiator, always making the seat toasty, and it had a window in the stall that looked out over our courtyard. It was nice to watch the passersby as you were doing your business.

    3) In the downstairs stall in my fraternity house, which was not quite as nice and was the more public bathroom, we kept posted a s&#t list. This was a piece of paper taped to the wall, along with a pen, where you could write down jsut about anything that came to your mind. We all know that some serious thinking gets done in the bathroom, and that list was proof of it.

  2. By the way, I really like you blog. I use it to kill time here and there when I’m between projects at work.

  3. What if there is only one stall in the bathroom. You know urinal and a toilet. Do you seek out another bathroom or do you go right then and there?

    At WVU, I was so scared of public restrooms that I would try to time my toilet breaks for old No. 2 to once every other day. That didn’t last very long. Maybe a week. But I would use the same toilet No. 2 in the men’s room on our co-ed floor. You talking about some precautions you have to take in the morning when you live on a co-ed floor. Throw clothes on, look out both ways, run, and then hope that there wasn’t anyone making whoopy in the shower. And trust me … it happened.

    And Grant, wouldn’t it be awkward to look out at the passer’s by while taking care of business?

  4. Grant-I’m glad that the ol’ blog is useful! Thanks for the compliments!

    I guess I could have framed the question a little better. Let’s assume a bathroom where all the stalls are in the same condition, there are at least two stalls (one of which is a handicapped stall) and that all or at least one normal stall and the handicapped stall are/is available. Is it wrong ot opt for the handicapped stall even though it has more room?

    I think it would be suh-weet to drop the deuce while looking out over the courtyard (as long as no one can see you). I look at it like the Kids in the Hall skit where he’s squishing people with his fingers…”I’m squishing your head”. Well, the window view would be like “I’m pooping on you”!

    Shannon-I read somewhere long a go that the 2nd toilet was the best “bombing” option because most guys use the first stall for the ol’ numbah 1 and you know how guys are when it comes to hitting the target (of course this is greatly affected by the phenomenom that I call the p!ss-chill (getting blue with the language here). But we’ve all experienced it. You never have that kind of tremor/shake any other time except when you’re taking a whaz! What’s up with that? Then this leads to the wifey thinking that you’re careless or don’t take the time to aim…I try to explain the p!ss-chill, but she just doesn’t believe me…am I the only one? Do I need to see a doctor? A psychiatrist?

  5. Women will always believe that guys have “aiming” issues because of the whole “you have a big target how can you miss” argument. Valid. But they forget that early in the morning it’s hard to keep things going straight in line. Toilets need a bigger hole or install a urinal in the house. Now how great would that be to have your own private urinal in the house, right there in the master bathroom. That would be sweet!

    Now that you have given us more detail, then I would say all things being equal go to the smaller of the two, unless it’s clogged then you have the right to move over to the handicap stall if in such time no handicap persons are in the bathroom. You are then to insure that all business goes down the toilet properly.

    Man Law?

  6. The Handicapped Bathroom is not reserved for the wheelchair bound to use alone, like a Handicap spot in the parking lot is. Those are specifically reserved. In the bathroom, the bigger stall just makes sure that someone could use it if they had to. I always choose that stall. It is nice to have the room. It is kind of like that Seinfeld episode where Kramer paints the lines on the road so there will be some roomy lanes. Well the handicap stall allows us all to use the roomy lane.


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